How to fail at practically anything
My favorite management author John Maxwell once wrote: “The major difference between average people and achieving people is their perception of and response to failure.”
Being human, we naturally avoid failures. We want to do the best work we can, present ourselves in the best light.
Here at [our company], our success is much celebrated, and is even measured and compared with people of similar pay grade. At home, we want to give our kids the sense of security from knowing that their parents are successful people. When I look around the room, I see a lot of successful people. So why am I talking about failure instead of success?
Let me ask you this. How do you normally deal with failure? Do you sometimes shy away from opportunites that you know will be pushing the limit of your abilities. Do you blame circumstances and others when the responsbility rest squarely on your shoulders? I used to do both, and I got no where, only regret and bitterness. Obviously. These are not constructive ways of dealing with failures.
Let’s take a look at this poster. Guess who this person is.
“Lost job at age 23.
Defeated for state legislature at 23.
Failed in business at 24.
Sweetheart died at 26.
Had nervous breakdown at 27.
Defeated for Speaker at 29.
Defeated for nomination for Congress at 34.
Lost renomination to congress at 39.
Rejected for land officer at 40.
Defeated for U.S. Senate at 45.
Defeated for nomination for Vice President at 47.
Again defeated for U.S. Senate at 49.
“
Yes, it’s Abraham Lincoln. Despite the repeated failures he experienced in life, he went on to become the president of the United States, and is considered one of very top US presidents.
Here are the right ways to handle failure as demonstrated by Lincoln.
First, get into the mindset to look at failure as learning opportunities. The only real failure is failing to learn from failure. I enjoy Indian food, as I find it very flavorful and exotic. One time my wife and I was eating at this Indian restaurant in Hayward, and we orderd the dish Bangain Bharta. I enjoyed it so much that I decided to learn to cook it myself. I found a few recipes from the internet, bought a few spices from an Indian grocery store. You can enjoy the 5th iteration of my Baingan Bharta over there. It’s not perfect, but that is not my aim. Let me tell you, you don’t want to taste my first try, after a tentative spoon, my wife simply refuse to eat any more of it, and had to eat it over a week’s time because it was just aweful. How do I improve on it? I kept at it, bringing it to potlucks like this one, and surveying the participants what they liked and what they didn’t like about the dish and adjusted the ingredients and recipe accordingly. Little by little, more and more people started enjoying it, and my wife doesn’t even mind taking a few bites now. Those of you who regularly eat Indian food, please provide me with some feedback on the dish along with your comments on my speech.
Second, fail with class. Cut your losses if there is nothing you can do to salvage the situation. Don’t sink good money after bad. Don’t blame others, always take reponsibility. Act if you are setting an example for your kids, act the way you want them to act when facing failures and setbacks, and it will make you both better persons.
Thirdly, never give up. Have you watched a child learning to walk? My daughter is approaching two, and let me describe to you the process. This happens over the span of a few weeks. Watching the world go by around her, my daughter decided to catch up to it by walking. She hold on to a coffee table, with both arms tightly around it, then she put out her left chubby foot, and started to shift her weight to that foot. Well, her muscle is not yet strong enough, and she falls flat on her face. Of course, I rush over and comfort her. Does she sit in a corner and lament that she’s a failure as far as walking is concerned? No way, in 10 minutes, she’s back on her feet again, both hands on the trusted coffee-table. With the chubby feet go out, and BAM, she falls down again, this time on her rear end. She noticed that it didn’t hurt as much as falling on her face. In the next days, she tries again, and again, and again. Until she can master the muscle movement to coordinate the complex pattern of walking. Then she starts running, and somehow she manages to outrun me occasionally. Can you image a child who would simply give up along the way, and say to herself, “maybe walking is not for me”. But as adult, we do that to ourselves all the time, we give up way to easily. What would happen if Thomas Edison stopped at lightbulb prototype 1,700, he would’ve never invented the lighbulb as we know it today.
Lastly, be a man of action, actively pursue your goals keeping in mind you’ll hit a few bumps and detours along the way. Know a smooth sea never make a skillful sailor. When looking back in your life, you’ll regret thing you have not done for the fear of failure. If you don’t succeed initially, try and try again. Knowing that if you learn from my failures and move closer to your goals inch by inch, you’ll eventually get there.
Let me quote Theodore Roosevelt.
“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; because there is not effort without error and shortcomings; but who does actually strive to do the deed; who knows the great enthusiasm, the great devotion, who spends himself in a worthy cause, who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement and who at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly. So that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.”
Know you are destined for greatness, and learning from failures along the way will only get you there sooner.